Summer of Love

Finally! I got to watch this nice TV show on my all-time favourite subject: the 60s and 70s. The summer of love. The flower 60s.

It's all so fascinating.
Even though I didn't know there's so much drugs and sex involved.

When I was watching the show, I sort of understood why I was so fascinated by those good old days: I always feel kind of empty, and the passion embodies in those days was like the opposite me; it is like the desired self-image, with that kind of dedication, and almost ignorance. I wish I could be more like that, to be crazy about something, and to believe in something in such a intensive manner.

I am not. But it's good to know more about it.
The show came as a total surprise: I talked about it with Birgitta the other night, about my not well-reasoned obsession with the 60s. She just saw it randomly on TV. So we watched it together.

It was all so beautiful, despite the overwhelming amount of sex.
Sex is like the ultimate and easiest way to free oneself I assume.

They believed in many things: they believed they can change the world.
It was a revolution.
And that's the touching part.
They had this naive belief; and it is sad that I find it naive to start with.

Am I a nihilist?

And the funny thing is, Johan's parent have this CD of Janis Japlin sitting on the bookshelf. Now I feel like I am in those second hand store again: I can find treasure! As long as I dig more, I can find something as a total surprise! And that is a unique experience, totally totally private. I love that feeling.

I am gonna start digging more.

Some clues:
Jimi Herix
Cockette
Robert Plant
Janis Japlin
Jefferson Aeroplane
Alvin Lee

'to explore', 'to experiment with every aspects of your personality/sexuality', 'social and political', 'being free', 'spirituality', 'to find an alternative way of living', 'communal living' and after all, SUMMER OF LOVE.

IT'S Christmas!

Christmas is almost over now. Everything is slowing down.......
I have been spending Xmas in Tommarp for the 3rd time now! It's very nice and cozy in here...and soon it's the new year; but before that, it's gonna be the 2 year anniversary for me and Johan :)

There's not that much to write really....it has been a calm and easy Xmas.......lots of food and all the traditions. It's not a white Xmas and that's a pity. And I forgot to bring the right converter for my camera....so i can't take pictures :(

I got some really cool Xmas presents though! Johan has decided to take a 'bar' theme this year so I am ready for a cocktail lesson!

Now i'm just sitting here...wondering if we are gonna go to Ystad or not....we'll see!

:) I can't wait to go to SH and start my big China trip :)

Narration- voice-over

Just a brief one.
I watched 'Brooklyn Rules' last night with Johan. We changed DvDs 3 times!
We watched 'Little Fish' first, and I really liked it; but I can feel the effect of conventional narrative on me....that I am not used to some fragmented/hand-held/out of focus/no-focus or drama shots anymore.
Then we tried the should-be-crap film 'Dracula'. I got too scared and we both thought it's going to be crappy.

Brooklyn rules. I thought it would be another take on the Goodfellas. And I thought it would be quite boring as well...the same old story over and over again. But it was actually decent and quite cute.

But the thing I want to talk about in here is the use of narration-voice-over.
I think whenever I think about voice-over, I think about Martin Scorsese first. He uses them brilliantly and it was still surprising to see the actors acting out a different level and layer of their characters. However, it has been used in so many American movies (i think) in such a smooth, omnipresent way, that without actually watching the film, you would not really miss that much without looking at the visual elements, plus the acting. It is so easy to follow the story but then, for the first time, i felt that this is really bad for a film. That it reduces the amount of things you can enjoy in a film.

It does not reveal. It simply torn up everything for you.

Still, it is a quite good-hearted, heard warming little film. It is just not interesting at all. It is like drinking soft-drink rather than water. It does not excite you, but it sort of comforts you and keeps you busy enough. Oh well, I need to watch more films again!

Remind myself to read about Murholland drive.

moving

It is the time of the year to be jolly.

No. It's not.

Despite the fact that I am finishing my job soon, and going to johan's parents to spend Xmas, and then going home to my family and friends in Shanghai and Hong Kong, I am NOT happy these days.

Something is wrong with me.

It has something to do with the weather I suppose. It is the darkness, it is the disappearance of light which transformed almost to the light of my life.

Is Johan the light of my life? Guess so. He disappeared for awhile too....into Berlin.
Now that he is back and I am still upset. I do not know why exactly. Guess I was used to darkness.

To be fair, I have almost everything I want around me. Walking to the Scottish club just now, I was looking at Uppsala again: I was walking instead of biking so I can see how beautiful and familiar this place is all over again. I am also feeling something new, because of the knowledge that I am moving away again soon.

Unlike before, when I came to visit Johan, that when I knew I was going to go to the airport in a few days flying back to the lonely and miserable place. Now I know I am leaving together WITH Johan, to a wonderful place.

Then why am I feeling so insecure and unstable?

I am starting to look back now. I was telling Johan the other day I have started making retrospects. I am making conclusion for my Swedish time. It is a very strange feeling as I am almost being in flashbacks when I am actually living it. The whole sense of time, experience and existence is being blurred and transformed. I feel strange, out of space and time. I do not know what to think or feel. I do not know how to act. I feel like I have this 'expiry date' stamped on my forehead. Everyone know that I am expiring for this place. I know I will miss it later but now, I do want it to be over soon. It is a very very mixed feeling. I want to get over this awkwardness.

But actually, I am feeling okay. This is like happening again and I know once you move away from a place, you drift apart. I feel like I am constantly making new friends and adapting to new places. This time it would be better as it would be at least 2 years. I know some people would be jealous as I am going to new places all the time. I know I hate it and at the same time like it. I do not know what to think. I seem to know everything: the routine, the process, the whole phase. But I still feel worried and excited and stunned at the fact that it is happening to me again even though I said I want to settle down many many times. I have learnt to live with it and to appreciate it but sometimes I wonder. I get confused. I wonder what I am doing. I wonder do I actually need to know what I am doing. Can't just living be enough? Why do I have to think and try to reflect on my life?

Confused.

Anyway, I know I will miss a few people in here. It is a bless to miss someone when you are leaving a place. It is a bit sad but i still know it is a bless.

I don't get so sentimental anymore. I guess with my expiry date in mind, I become more cautious; the physical distance of course reflects in my relationship with my friends as well. I am always the outsider. I know I will always feel like one. Now I know I just have to learn to live with it.

With age, you do not learn more about yourself, I think. You learn how to accept the way you are.

Vintage

I received the package from ebay today.
This time my finds are three old purses, as described in the auction dating back as early as the 30s. That's really nice.
I have developed this passion about collecting old things these days. One may think they are second hand and dirty.

But the true joy came from the fact that they are unique. They are rare. They have history in them. When I received them, I could be wondering who has used them, and how was the parties like back then. These purses lived their life in their time, and now I am giving them a second, or third, or forth life. This affection could also come from my interest in film: you relive a moment, be it something new or old, through a film. You see something you haven't seen, and wouldn't have possibly seen. It is a mixture of memory, imagination and projection. It is truly amazing and wonderful. They are small, delicate and adorable. They are more than purses. They are my collection, an attempt to glimpse into the past that I never known.

The two lighter colored ones are really old. They are not as shinny or eye-catching as what you can find in stores these days, but they are REAL. They lived their time. They lived in a time when elegance and glamorous was still important. Of course, you can think about how difficult and difference life was back then, but there is something unique and fascinating about those days. Movies no doubt glamorized it. Life, filtered by the silver screen changes into something worth looking at. It changes into a story, a narration. It could also be that you always want something you do not have.

Christmas is coming. It is getting so dark now that there is almost no day-light anymore. I am of course, not feeling too good about this. The darkness has been growing in me and I somehow have forgotten about summer. About the sun. It is funny with memories and knowledge because I have lived in a hot place almost all my life but you can actually forget about it, simply after 2 months. Summer was amazing in here but in the winter, you forgot about that it once existed. How strange!
Winter is going to be long, long, long......and dwelling...

Johan is back today. He brought together with him 4 bottles of gluewine. They are bottled in lovely bottles and come with a rich sense of Xmasness. Germany has the best Xmas market, I believe. But I haven't been to one,at least not a real one.

It's so nice to have him home.

Grand Opening!

This is going to be my 4th/ 5th blog attempt...
Hope this one is working for me! And I would be working for it too!